


Pendulum

by barbara12k



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:27:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29183979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbara12k/pseuds/barbara12k
Summary: Grief is the pendulum swing of love. SASUHINA
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	Pendulum

**Author's Note:**

> May be triggering to some, proceed with caution

**_Grief is the pendulum swing of love. SASUHINA_ **

**__**

* * *

How do you grieve someone that existed so long in your dreams? A welcomed surprise created from intense love. How do you grieve a child you've never met but loved so dearly? Something dark has taken her hostage, a mix of fuming rage and disparaging anguish that lashes at her heart and burns through her soul. She is unrecognizable, empty, and hopelessly numb. Her grief is always present, a pulsatile pain that permeates all her senses. Even 12 months after losing her baby, the pain never seems to relent. She's fooled everyone into thinking that she is doing better - her therapist, her friends, her father but _never Sasuke._ she's on the brink of death and her husband is barely hanging on. Certain days, she swears she still feels the movement of her child but the pained look Sasuke shoots her when she subconsciously strokes her empty womb quickly brings her back to reality. They don't talk much now but his gaze is always so loud and suffocating. Some days she is just tired of it - _of him_ …... _of being alive_. When they argue, it's explosive. When they grieve, it is a deafening silence that leaves the air bleeding heavily. Therapy has helped them somewhat. She's dulled by all antidepressants and now is too tired to find ways to hurt herself. Sasuke has stopped drowning himself in alcohol and has resorted to destroying anything that his fist can connect with.

Hinata makes her way down the steps carefully avoiding the broken glass and scattered furniture - the aftermath of last night's argument

" _Why won't you just leave me alone?!" she had screamed out after Sasuke accusingly asked her if she took her medications. She doesn't want him watching her. His endless disapproving gaze when her meals are left untouched. His scrutinizing gaze as he scans her body for any signs of bruising._

" _Hinata, please. At least drin-"_

" _Don't touch me!" she had thrown the mug at him which barely missed him. The mug splashed him as it shattered on the wall behind him. He lowers his gaze and sighs deeply._

" _just_ _ **stop**_ _telling me what I need to do all the freaking time" she whispers harshly as her eyes fill with tears._

_She expects him to leave her, maybe yell back as they have done in the past. But the look on his face when he looks back up at her makes her feel shitty. Sasuke is rarely this expressive. His eyes are filled with quiet desperation, an unspoken plea, and even pity. And that infuriates her the most. she needs to let him go because she is broken beyond repair. She loves him too much to drag him into her hell._

" _Sasuke, it's not too late for you, you can get another wife to bear your children"_

" _I don't care about that Hinata, you **know** I don't" his eyes are gentle and loving and it almost breaks her resolve. She is dragging him down and he deserves happiness. _

" _you're lying, I won't kill myself if that's what stopping you from leaving me" She walks up to him slowly and she immediately feels his unease. She doesn't blame him; her mood has become erratic and unpredictable as of late. She stands close enough to hear his ragged breath and takes one of his rough hands into her smaller ones_

" _Sasuke, this is not working, I tried it your way, the therapy but I can't anymore" she pauses as he shakes his head but continues before he has a chance for a rebuttal "ever since M-Misaki died, part of me has died too, and am sorry but I am not the same woman you married"_

" _I love you Hinata, I know you love me too" he continues to insist_

" _I don't have the strength to love you Sasuke, I should have never had this child, but I was foolish -I let you talk me into it knowing the risk" his eyes widened and his arm shakes in disbelief. It's a low blow but she is willing to hurt him if it means he can be free_

" _you don't mean that!" he screams letting go of her arm forcibly "y-you don't mean it," he says once more his voice rattling the empty house. His eyes flash red as if hoping to end this never-ending genjutsu._

" _I"_

" _I hate this mess we created, I hate that you did this to me, so please just leave me Sasuke! I am begging you please!"_

" _Can't you see I've suffered enough ?!"_

" _Shut up! Shut uup! "He snaps as if finally waking up from a trance. His strong arms grip her and shake her "stop this nonsense Hinata! Am not leaving!"_

" _it's not your choice to make! I don't want to be with you!"_

" _Why are you doing this?!, we can keep fighting through this! Am hurting too Hina" **I know** she wants to say _

" _Karen, she still loves you...she can care for you and restore your clan" her voice is distant and hollow, but she maintains eye contact with his blaring eyes_

" _Are you hearing yourself?! What the fuck are you even saying right now!"_

" _Hinata if you leave me, I won't survive"_

" _you will, you have to for Misaki"_

_The rest of the night is a blur. She uses up all of her arsenals until ultimately she gets her way_

Hinata carefully opens the door and lets the faint smell of lavender oil wash over her. Her hands glide over the wooden brown crib that Sasuke had painstaking built. Everything is always intact here, and she is flooded by memories. Her happy squeals as the painting job turned into a full-on paint splashing war. Tender kisses and hushed promises Sasuke would whisper to her growing belly. Hinata makes her way to the closet and carefully reaches for the silky golden kimono with red embroidered flowers.

"you would have looked so adorable in this Misaki-chan" she coos holding the kimono to her chest

the kimono feels heavy in her arms forcing her to sink to her knees.

There in her first-born's room her sorrow, anguish, disappointment keep her company

_"Happy First Birthday baby, eat lots of rice cake today with your uncle"_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> AN: losing a child is indescribable, one of the most heartwrenching I have ever witnessed. The only thing you can do is be supportive.
> 
> Not sure if this should be a one-shot or short story. Let me know what you think!! :)
> 
> Misaki — beautiful newly grown flower


End file.
